![](\"http:\/\/farm5.static.flickr.com\/4072\/4367819153_5b643b311d_m.jpg\")
<\/a>Sometimes I’m so obvious I laugh at myself, but often I’m sure I’m the only one who knows what’s going on. There are days that stereotypically seem to call for reflection; new years, birthdays. They never really are, there’s too much going on. Or is there? I suppose it’s more what was meaningful, and such days often feel pretty much like every other day, with the addition of a party.<\/p>\nI’ve been thinking a lot about today. About who was important to me a year ago, what was important to me, and how that has changed. The ridge I was on, the chasm it turned out to be, and where I found myself when I climbed out of it. I’m not the person I was a year ago, or six months ago. Or less. There’s too much to do to sit still.<\/p>\n
I’ve been talking to J a lot about my emotional maturity, ultimately she speculated that my desire for intimate relationships is much higher than my peers, and consequently I’m much more willing to put the time and energy into emotional growth than most. And thus today I’ve been continuing my path of pondering M’s reluctance to growth.<\/p>\n
I had a conversation with B recently that went like: <\/p>\n
B: *you said N and it is dumb*
\nMe: Do you really think I believe that?
\nB: No.
\nMe: Then why are you soapboxing? You’re obviously upset, but not about that.<\/p>\n
And she didn’t want to talk about it anymore, thus the conversation died. Maybe she did think I believed that until I said something about it. Water under the bridge I suppose. I so deeply value those that I’ve dated who recognize when they’re upset and don’t take it out on me. Those with the emotional fortitude to recognize that they are frustrated or scared, and admit as much not only to themselves, but to me; acknowledging that we’re in it together. I think J is pretty right. I’ve been leveraging that over the last month<\/a>. I had felt, or, I had hoped, that M had come to a place where we could talk. As it turned out, she had grown, but not enough, having only allotted a short time to facing how she felt. I mentioned actively thinking about M as someone who was in my past, and J reckoned it was also moving M from the hope of the future.<\/p>\n Thinking about peers has lead into thinking about emotional peers. It is essential someone want to grow emotionally to be a part of my life. Talked a bunch last night with S about how hard it can be to find that, and how absurd it seems to be that you can’t look for it. Opportunity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Currently listening to: Whiskey & Company – One Man Sometimes I’m so obvious I laugh at myself, but often I’m sure I’m the only one who knows what’s going on. There are days that stereotypically seem to call for reflection; new years, birthdays. They never really are, there’s too much going on. Or is there? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1033"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1033"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1033\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1035,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1033\/revisions\/1035"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1033"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1033"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1033"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}