{"id":1087,"date":"2010-03-30T16:40:43","date_gmt":"2010-03-31T00:40:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/?p=1087"},"modified":"2010-03-30T16:40:43","modified_gmt":"2010-03-31T00:40:43","slug":"laugh","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/2010\/03\/30\/laugh\/","title":{"rendered":"laugh"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/btmspox\/4283757849\/\"><img style=\"float: left; border: 0px; padding: 5px;\" src=\"http:\/\/farm5.static.flickr.com\/4046\/4283757849_a1df566e1a_m.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>Best I can tell, I woke up sad this morning from restless dreams about feelings I miss. Plans have been made to go to Maine, and once I swallow I raise an eyebrow at how caught up I am in surviving. I&#8217;m far closer to hitting that rut that I had ever hoped to, but I can&#8217;t convince myself otherwise. J and I talked a lot today about my idealizing M, and how that she likely felt that I believed she was someone more than who she believed she was, and this created an uncommunicated expectation. Other information seems to confirm that she generally wasn&#8217;t or isn&#8217;t interested in putting time into relationships, which should serve as more than it does to my own feelings. Which makes me frustrated with myself.<\/p>\n<p>I talked to dad today, he wanted to know what was wrong. When I talked to J, I said I was exhausted, which is an emotional thing for me, where I feel like I don&#8217;t have any more to give anyone. When I talked to M today, I just said I was sad. I&#8217;m not depressed, clinically or otherwise, I have plenty of motivation and I accomplish much, I&#8217;m just frustrated with feeling much more excited about fantasy than anything I&#8217;m accomplishing. I want to say &#8220;what is the point&#8221; but it carries such cliche. I don&#8217;t have any problem knowing why I want to do things, or feeling good about them after. Just, perhaps, I&#8217;m thinking about too many big questions too early in my life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Best I can tell, I woke up sad this morning from restless dreams about feelings I miss. Plans have been made to go to Maine, and once I swallow I raise an eyebrow at how caught up I am in surviving. I&#8217;m far closer to hitting that rut that I had ever hoped to, but [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1087"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1087"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1087\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1089,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1087\/revisions\/1089"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1087"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1087"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1087"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}