{"id":1367,"date":"2010-12-12T04:28:56","date_gmt":"2010-12-12T12:28:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/?p=1367"},"modified":"2010-12-12T04:28:56","modified_gmt":"2010-12-12T12:28:56","slug":"fate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/2010\/12\/12\/fate\/","title":{"rendered":"fate"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sleep has been strange and my “positional vertigo” is still worse after sleeping than any other time, although relatively innocuous compared to the strength of symptoms the first day. As I continue reading The Art of Loving<\/em> I paused and looked at my over my white-board. At one point I captured a quote from the television show House<\/em> where Cuddy says to House, “I love you. I wish I didn’t but I can’t help it.” I’m tempted to spare the explanation of the circumstances, but I realize they’re somewhat relevant in a moment. I think I wrote the quote down because I identified with struggling with who I had strong feelings for. It hasn’t been for the most convenient or, more specifically, those who I’ve felt have had good relationship qualities like strong communication skills, reasonableness, and patience. <\/p>\n

In House<\/em>, Cuddy convincingly tries to date a man who is reliable and would make a “good” father for her child. He is the “good” things that House is not. Yet, in the end, or at least at the end of the season I watched, she leaves him for House. Perhaps because drama retains viewers and viewers sell advertisements, but I often think there is a “Star Trek” kind of humanity in good television. When I had saved the quote, I identified with being frustrated with having little control over who I had strong feelings toward, but tonight while reviewing the white-board I realized that there was a much larger commonality.<\/p>\n

I’ve had a change of heart lately, or perhaps, a decision has been made about my life hence-forth. I’ve roughly labelled it pessimism, but mostly because that term is swooping and is easily at hand. I’ve had great conversations about the importance of finding someone who fills a good deal of the roles I’m looking for in a partner. Yet, I’ve realized those are more, intangible. More so, they are niceties and not deal-breakers. It is funny to consider a checklist of what I think a person should be like, since I’m mostly indifferent to these traits being particularly important otherwise. I suppose that is significant. As I’ve dated women who I consider intelligent, caring, and motivated, those who have been well balanced and whose lives aren’t all that different from mine (although, hmm, I do feel so alone still in ways. That’s worth considering further.), I still haven’t felt great about the relationships. This has been framed as “I shouldn’t be dating people I should be friends with,” lately. So my change heart is that I am no longer convinced that finding a great partner is a matter of finding a great person measured by socially ideal traits. I have. They were all great. It wasn’t, apparently, right.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sleep has been strange and my “positional vertigo” is still worse after sleeping than any other time, although relatively innocuous compared to the strength of symptoms the first day. As I continue reading The Art of Loving I paused and looked at my over my white-board. At one point I captured a quote from the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1367"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1367"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1367\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1368,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1367\/revisions\/1368"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1367"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1367"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1367"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}