I’m lacking confidence lately. Not in my abilities. It’s like not knowing what I want to do. But I’m not depressed, just, not sure. I’ve admitted this to R mostly, but to others I’ve said what mostly amounts to that I’m waiting and seeing.<\/p>\n
Tomorrow I return to Seattle, and back to work Thursday. Fortunately I’ve etched out some time already on Thursday to catch up with J.<\/p>\n
K an I chatted extensively recently about how unhappy I seemed to be with my pace in Seattle. I keep thinking about the anxiety I get when the time between finishing my meals and getting the check is too long in Seattle. I think about this while looking out the window into the field, at nothing in particular. Usually birds, actually.<\/p>\n
My aunt and uncle came down this afternoon to invite me to dinner and asked the usual questions about what my plans were. We talked a bit about the logistics of moving back to Maine and working remotely from here. My uncle asked what kind of volunteering I would do. I don’t know, that doesn’t fit into this life in the same way. Probably for a while I wouldn’t do any, or much. Like K, I’d be afraid of overextending myself and running around at an unhappy pace. I’ve sometimes considered that I’d find another role with the Red Cross locally, or join a fire department.<\/p>\n
T and I joked a while ago about how I should move to a small town in WA and become a Sheriff’s deputy. Mostly because I could play the part really well. Maybe I’ve watched too many westerns.<\/p>\n
I mentioned to R that my plans are to pick up everything that I dropped in Seattle when I return. As I take mental stock of that, I feel like I dropped some heavy things that may be too late to pick up again. That’s probably okay. It’s probably a reasonable time to cut my losses and anyone who cares can acknowledge the hardship and start over. I mean, if it’s important they’ll bring it up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’m lacking confidence lately. Not in my abilities. It’s like not knowing what I want to do. But I’m not depressed, just, not sure. I’ve admitted this to R mostly, but to others I’ve said what mostly amounts to that I’m waiting and seeing. Tomorrow I return to Seattle, and back to work Thursday. Fortunately […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1504"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1504"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1504\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1506,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1504\/revisions\/1506"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1504"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1504"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1504"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}