3:30am, giggling outside the kitchen window. I put down my chili and walk up to it just wearing my long underwear. Punk girl reaches out her hand through the window standing on the shoulders of a couple of friends, “Hi, I’m Jess.”<\/p>\n
The lameness of showing up loud and bothering sleeping roommates aside, I was already awake so it was kind of nice to have friends stop by. I’m tempted to compare it to bike rides though. It’s fun, but how ultimately sustainable is it? In the balance of identity, how many people do I know that are accomplishing meaningful goals, but still stay out drinking all night? It becomes a matter of energy.<\/p>\n
As I wrap up my first on-call week for ARC, I’ve been thinking about my drinking habits a little as I’ve been playing with them. I avoided drinking at all for the most part because of being on call, and when I did I tended to have a beer over the course of a couple hours.<\/p>\n
A commented recently on the machismo growing up in Texas surrounding eating spicy food. Drinking has that. Bikes. I think about M’s comment about her GPA after a rare bike ride. I feel old. I feel tired of feeling like the only open and communicating person. I know I’m not, and I know I’m just focused on the people that matter, or have mattered to me, and frustrate me because they aren’t.<\/p>\n
Chris let us know today that he’s moving out at the end of the year. Nym and Una are moving into The Bucket. Monstersorri has an opening in January. There’s a lot of moving. It feels restless and unsettling. Chris said he’s getting his own place. I think about that, and think about how I’ve ultimately never lived alone. I don’t think that is by accident. <\/p>\n
Conversations lately have been about direction, moving on, putting past relationships behind oneself. Everyone seems to struggle with not wanting to lose all of a good thing, but not wanting the commitment of it either. Which feels… ironic? <\/p>\n
I’m tired of thinking about identity, specifically other peoples problems with it. I feel like I’m doing most of the right things, but I feel unmatched, isolated by not having intimacy in which someone else is trying as hard. I’m just tired of the energy to return ratio. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
3:30am, giggling outside the kitchen window. I put down my chili and walk up to it just wearing my long underwear. Punk girl reaches out her hand through the window standing on the shoulders of a couple of friends, “Hi, I’m Jess.” The lameness of showing up loud and bothering sleeping roommates aside, I was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/882"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=882"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/882\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":883,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/882\/revisions\/883"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=882"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=882"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.loftninjas.org\/rants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=882"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}