I wandered around the house looking for the vitamin water I swear I had… last year… only to eventually find it empty in my pants drawer of my dresser. Emergen-C will have to do.

And so 2009 ended copying with missing M. No surprise, as it wasn’t all that different than the rest of the year. I had a good conversation this evening with A about how I felt, bits of history of the last couple of years of dating and how that all ultimately rolled up into how I feel about M now. Part of me wants to be distracted at the moment. On the surface, this missing always craves her company as the cure. That doesn’t really get me anywhere. Perhaps I should be reading. It’s pouring out off and on. J says she saw her tonight, and I ponder that for a while.

Now that I have the ARC schedule for 2010 figured out, I’m just waiting to hear about SCALE to make scheduling decisions about a trip I’ve been thinking about. I’m going to go back to Maine for a couple weeks in between big events at work, except that I plan to work most of it rather than be on vacation. I think this way I’ll ultimately have more time to spend with family and not feel rushed through a short vacation. I’m having trouble getting past memories of planning to take M on a trip like this, surely because she’s fresh in my mind.

Okay, more reading, rest, water, less sick. Here goes.