I started writing this in a blog, then realized it wasn’t the right venue. I’ve long accepted that I’m not going to know everything about the technologies I work with, let alone those I only help with. Still, it’s interesting and fun when I learn little bits about those things that I’ve used so long they often feel like second nature at times. For whatever reason I keep applying for jobs that list “2+ years Linux systems administration experience” in their descriptions; having multiples of that, I often chuckle as quietly as possible when people start asking me basic what command I’d use to monitor the system resources or what the difference is between raid levels 1 and 5. I guess they have to expect I’m lying about my experience or something.

When making the list of protocols I have experience with for my resume I had a little bit of a tough time finding the result of what makes a good keyword ad what I’ve used enough to call “experienced”. During an interview at another company a month ago someone asked me an OSPF question and said that most of the people he’s met with OSPF on their resume can’t remember what it stands for, forget actually having any experience with it.

A friend of mine who’s been round these circles for a few years longer than me said to just accept nobody was going to take me seriously and offer me senior roles until I was 30. I just laughed and agreed. I mucked around my first ISP when I was something like 15, so I can’t say I don’t have experience with that sort of attitude.

Of course, once people get to know me they realize I’m not lying about knowing a little bit about Linux. Hopefully the social networking will pay off eventually. In the interim, I guess I’m in no hurry. I’m happy at my job and was happy at my last job, it just seems there’ll come a point in time when the social situations are right where I can make tens of thousands more for doing the exact same shit I do now, which, is sort of troubling in a “ha, ain’t the world a funny place” way. I was introduced to the term “social climber” not too long ago. I hadn’t heard it before and it was used in the same way most my friends use “hipster”. Something about it feels appropriate in this thought process.

I always seem to start ranting by talking about sleep. Perhaps it’s because sleep seems to steer when I’m sitting in front of the computer, looking to waste some time without waking up more than I already am. It’s 2am. That might be a bad thing, but I’ve already slept four hours tonight. I’ll get another four easily before I’ve got hopefully my last hand follow up appointment at Harborview (with hopefully the last pelvis follow up next Wednesday. Although I’ve been having chronic back pain and often wake up with a drunk feeling in the back of my neck. I fear I will never physically recover from this accident 100%).

I’ve been spending a bunch of time on Yelp recently. I’ve used it a bit in the past as a consumer, searching for something specific and over the last week or two I’ve been reviewing enough to even get Tori addicted. Of course, she’s on dodgeball now too, so maybe she’s going downhill and I should re-evaluate what I consider progress. We’ve been going out at least a night a week after work for food and drinks now that I’m riding the bus home from downtown. It makes meeting on Capitol Hill somewhat convenient and thus generally works.

Wasting time on yelp tonight lead me here in the way that the tubes seem to always take you where you don’t expect. For those of you who don’t like clicking links, I’ll quote the important part about moving from SEA to SFO:

This is a monumental change. I was born and raised in Seattle. However, recently, I’ve come to realize that while I am ready to move forward with the “adult” phase of my life… Seattle just won’t let me. It’s too hard for me to forge a new path on my own as an adult when everything around me is steeped in 25 years of learned behaviors and experience. I didn’t realize this, though, until I visited San Francisco for the first time last November. When I got there… It felt like home.

This reminded me a lot of moving to Seattle two years ago. In tow of my ex-girlfriend, across the course of a summer and a nationwide road trip we settled here. Seattle has been “growing up” for me more than anything else. I’m sure the years count too, but I went from a place where not only did most of my friends have trouble holding employment, they seemed uninterested in it altogether. Many of them lived with me, and the burden of that would be a rant in and of itself. While I still have friends out here who work to pay the bills and their concern ends there, we’re at a basically solid spot in our lives. Of course, I have many more friends out here who are gainfully employed. All this progress does not really focus around work, although for me I’m enjoying the new challenge at each step, or job, along the way and feel fortunate to have these opportunities, having left Maine as opportunity seemed to be amounting to doing the same old consulting for every small business in two counties.

People out here feel like they’ve lived, whereas many at home, despite their whatever their pasts may be felt spoiled and judgmental. Again with the caveats, we’ve got fucking hipsters here. Yeah. Okay, well, you’re going to find judging people everywhere, even if it is a bit of a cult in this city. Life’s always been, and likely always be, and adventure to me. The quoted paragraph got me thinking though about how much “starting over” at the right time can help.

It seems like I had friends back east who tried to move and couldn’t make it work. I have the benefit of having a good career, which helped especially with landing in the Puget Sound area. We often talked of our friends not so much starting new, as leaving old, running away rather than resolving the patterns in themselves that were causing the local problems, and thus likely to keep causing the same fluctuations in their lives elsewhere. It’s certainly interesting now to look back and search for the distinction between running away and starting over.

I remember coming back here from the East Coast last Christmas. I had been home for a week or so and spent much of it traveling around the state trying to see as many friends and family as possible. It was hectic. When I got back a roomie and I were walking to the liquor store on Capitol Hill to stock up for a party. I remember feeling how good it was to be back home in Seattle. Partly due to the lack of snow, and despite being cold there was a nice sun out. But more the city and it’s people made me feel like I belonged here.

Who knows where I’ll end up next. I’m certainly not settling here at this point, which I think I’d amount to buying property or what not. Some people don’t realize how committed I get to jobs. I miss the culture and people at Haydrian, and I’m expecting something similar from Widemile. But I like what I do, and if I get to keep doing it, it’d take more than a little extra money to get me to move elsewhere.

I’ve been dating, for really the first time ever. While it’s “online dating”, it only takes about two emails to realize meeting in a coffee shop or a bar is the much better way to get to  know someone, but I do prefer it initially to bothering strangers in such places with pickup lines or the likes. It’s worked out well too, I’ve been seeing Susan (who lacks a proper myspace URL due to NOT being a social networking whore like myself) for a few weeks now and I’m quite happy seeing where that relationship goes.

So Seattle. My how you’ve changed things, especially me. On one hand, I think many back home won’t see the difference when I visit as they don’t often prod beyond my sarcastic walls, but at least family has commented on the positive outcome. And I’m happy with how things have worked out. So despite 2007 being the year of terrible fucking anxiety inducing shit happening, it’s working out alright in the end I think. (Think Positive!)

Going to try to get to sleep here real soon. Was sick today and had to bail from work, not exactly a goal. If I can tear myself away from the computer… of course, since the accident I haven’t been able to sleep as much as I’d like to. I was hoping this would subside as days got busier but it hasn’t yet.

Adam got a job downtown, so I may have lunch company again. This is a GoodThing, as otherwise I tend not to eat, which is definitely a BadThing. If anyone else works downtown and is interested in lunch lemme know.

The city is all right.
To live in one
Is to be civilized,
Stay up and read
Or sing and dance
All night and
See sunrise by
Waiting up instead
Of getting up.

Apparently others have taken the same photo, here, here, here, here, here, and here. Small world.

A couple less than stellar things have happened in the last couple of days, but I’m trying to stay positive and look towards tomorrow.

On a side note, whoever cancelled firefly needs to stand trial for crimes against humanity (yay for Dollhouse).

Started the new job today at WideMile. Sure is nice getting back to work, it’s going to be a good time I’m confident, good people as well. Who wants to do lunch downtown?

Long days again, swell though. Rode half a bus with Susan in the morn and then I went over to Stumptown for a latte. Bus’d home, enjoying the sun and the coffee fueled walk. Ken and I harassed Tanya for a bit and talked about halloween photos. I headed back on the Hill and hung out at metrix for a bit, grabbed a sub and went down to wait to start work around lunch.

Things are looking up?

I caught Into the wild recently. I haven’t read the book, Tori and Mom have. Mom says she’ll send it to me when she gets home. I knew going into the theater that the movie although based on a true story was going to be a bit dramatized. I don’t consider myself trained in wilderness survival to any degree, but I group up in the sticks and have spent more than a few days wandering around with a compass trying to find the way back somewhere. I don’t remember a situation where I was lost to a degree that I was ever afraid. I suppose because I was normally prepared enough. Be it familiar with the territory, armed with map and compass, or just had the suburban and the VHF amateur radio such that phones or not I could call for help if things came that far. Interestingly though, I don’t recall ever convincing myself of my safety because of these things. It’s also just been a confidence that I could get my way out of these situations before it got too bad. Perhaps that’s dangerously unwarranted.

Mom or Matthew sent me this bit. Perhaps the first article about all of this news? I’m not sure. I kind of knew going into the movie that the protagonist was idealistic and would be somewhat unprepared as a result for the undertaking. There are lots of comments that this was somewhat on purpose, fueled by suicidal intentions. The aforementioned article gets into this, and I was touch a bit by this:

At the time, death was a concept I understood only in the abstract. I didn’t yet appreciate its terrible finality or the havoc it could wreak on those who’d entrusted the deceased with their hearts. I was stirred by the mystery of death; I couldn’t resist stealing up to the edge of doom and peering over the brink. The view into that swirling black vortex terrified me, but I caught sight of something elemental in that shadowy glimpse, some forbidden, fascinating riddle.

Since my [near fatal?] accident, I’m regularly asked how it’s changed my life. I’ve talked about this quite a bit here at this point as I have been thinking about it. I have not revalued my life in some significant way such as the movies generally are written. I have no turned my life to volunteering or whatnot, although I am currently unemployed and spend a lot of time sitting on my ass. Unfortunately I’m not doing anything wholly american like watching TV, as I watched so much TV while I was in the hospital and when I was first bed-ridden at home that I have a sour taste in my mouth from it and have even tired of Law and Order, a feat once believed to be impossible.

There’s a few physical ailments that probably contribute to my new found feeling of being “old and worn”. I have almost constant lower back pain. It’s dull enough I can deal with it, but I’m not crazy about it. It’s possibly tied to my pelvis injuries. I’ll ask about it when I go back in November for my [last?] pelvis follow-up. And there’s a bit with my head were leaning it back on things kind of makes life dreamy. I wish I could better describe that, but I can’t right now. It’s not dizzy, but it is such that waking up in the morning is a little more of grouchy experience for me than it used to be. All I have to say about this is “Damn Kids and their Tahoe’s”.

Sleeping has always been a short disconnect for me. Other than dreams, I haven’t thought much of it. Losing almost two weeks of my life combined from head trauma, heavy drugs to counteract the pelvis pain, and lots of continuous sleep, was an interesting experience. It’s one thing when time goes fast, it’s another when it’s gone. I feel now that’s what death is like, and I’m not looking forward to it at all. I have no [crazy] expectations of angels and clouds or 130 virgins or any other insane afterlife. I just expect it to be nothingness. Nothing is definitely not anything to look forward to.

Those who know me for a while learn that I’m a huge sap. I suppose it’s confusing, I laugh far too loud at parts of dramatic movies that are not meant to be laughed at. All the same, anything “heartwarming” in a movie generally brings on at least a tear or two. (I’m just confusing. Yeah.) Near the end of the movie, the “moral” part, “Alex” writes “Happiness is only real when shared” on a page of a book of a writer he’s sort of idolizing or trying to follow in the learnings of. There’s an OKC question that’s been tumbling in and out of head for a bit: “Would you rather that, when you meet your partner, he/she is complete and happy without you so you can be complete together, or would you rather they were incomplete so that you can come along and complete them?”, with possible answers being: “Complete and happy.” or “I want to complete them.” On second thought the implication of this feels a little different than whats on my mind. But I recently talked to mom about how in high school, before any relationships, I had felt that one should come to a relationship whole and without baggage. At this point though, as I grow older and realize how unique I am, which is a nice way of saying I have lots of baggage and unanswered questions, I have fully realized an idea that has permeated other parts of my life for some time.

I’ve realized in Tech. that I won’t know everything, and find this essential for being able to have a conversation with anyone about tech. Whenever I meet someone who thinks they know it all, I tend to bullshit my way out of the conversation such that I can leave, as I immediately distrust everything they say, lacking the equivalent of a peer-review. Part of this comes from growing up with the internet and other forms of learning more immediately accessible and trustworthy than say “college”, which by the time I could go was no longer worth the time, let alone the money.

The rest of life is like this too though, so it is a good lesson to carry. It’s important to share my life with people. I’ve always looked for a companion to share my adventures with, and as I spend more time dealing with ordeal known by the public as “dating”, I’m not sure if thats an aspiration that is going to come to light or not. I don’t know if I will continue being as stir-crazy as I always have been, but I do somehow feel it likely that times will continue coming that regardless of how much I settle, days come where I’m compelled to pack up and keep moving. Because life is and adventure, an accumulation of experiences, not of anything else. Those experiences are much better when shared. It seems like such an incredible shame to waste that opportunity.

It’ll be interesting when I find the motivation to at least revive and archive of some of my old rants from a 3-5 years ago. There sure were a lot of them, many much longer than this, and I believe much less intelligible. While my writing has alway been good, it’s been my communication that’s been lacking. Right now I believe that’s been from not having the right interaction with people to relate what was going through my head in such a meaningful way.

A girl recently brought up to me that we had nothing in common. While pondering it now I feel like we all have a lot in common when you look at life in this sort of way of a journey, rather than amounting to what distractions we choose to entertain ourselves with. I suppose that’s why I’ve always been attracted more to people’s personalities than their looks or interests. However, this may be too deep, and therefore too unstable of a way of living. I guess the next couple of years will have something to show in answer to this. I think one of the biggest risks of this outlook is finding people who realize that their friday night activities do not amount to their life. I hope that as I’m getting older, I’ll find more and more wiser people who will be on this wavelength with me.

[12:24pm|btm> so i go into the sun fucker bar and order a 7 and coke, like you do.
[12:24pm|btm> guy checks my id.
[12:25pm|btm> i give him my card, but he gives it back.
[12:25pm|btm> he asks if i want it in one glass, i say yes.
[12:25pm|btm> tastes pretty weak, but i go back for another later and realize the fucker is giving me coke and sevenup.
[12:29pm|craSH> well that’s a sweet deal
[12:33pm|drgone> heh
[12:33pm|drgone> 7 and coke
[12:33pm|niblrr> btm, that’s awesome
[12:33pm|drgone> lol
[12:33pm|niblrr> was he stupid or just a jerk?
[12:33pm|drgone> what do you think he’d give you if it was 7 and 7
[12:34pm|drgone/#swn guesses stupid
[12:34pm|niblrr> “I’ll have a 7 and 7” “Ok, double seven-up coming up”
[12:34pm|drgone> you want that neat?

So Portal is fun. Hooray! I love Valve, and Steam. Orange Box is awesome, if you haven’t picked it up yet, do so. Assuming you already have the ID Pack.

The Portal end song is epically cute, but further evidence that those Valve guys are on the crack. I played Peggle Extreme first (the other day). It’s like, unicorn space arkanoid ping pong? What the fuck. Seriously. Crack.

But pick up Orange box and support Valve/Steam. Can someone please make Steam for TV? And let’s not pretend that iSteam already exists in some gross other form. I’ll try the bonus maps on portal later, as it’s 2:30am.

Recruiters are stringing me along. I can’t really blame them, but it’s fracking annoying. “By the end of the week”, “By Monday”, “Maybe Wednesday morning?”. *sigh* You wouldn’t think it’d be so hard to work! I’m just sitting here eating my portal cake, and  I promise you the cake is not a lie.

Let’s see, party at Kirstens on Friday. You all must come. I’m trying my usual disasterous diverse crowd plan, always makes for a uniquely interesting party.

Accident on Saturday wasn’t my fault so much, as I hit someone that hit someone, but still my insurance is paying for the damage to the car I hit and half of the damage to the first car. Best of all? Nobody is paying for the damage to my truck, which some how was the worst of all. Next time I don’t try to be nice and limit damage to vehicles, I’ll just hit them head on. I would have been fine if I did. Bah. Good fucking intentions never seem to get me anywhere.

Alright. Late. Tomorrow.

Slept alright! Bonus! Still no word on the decision from last weeks interviews.

I head out towards Haydrian this morning and stop for a latte. Just as as I’m pulling into the arboretum, some cars stop real fast as someone started crossing the road. I saw the car in front of my stopping fast so I slammed on my brakes. Super duper technology known as Anti-lock (or make brakes useless) kicks in. I try dodging, but to the left is woman in the street, to the right is giant stone wall from ancient times left around to screw with me. I tried to go between the car and the wall but there was a curb, and no real hope anyways as there wasn’t a suburban sized hole.

Fortunately this seemed to keep the car in front of me from getting too much damage besides a blown rear hatch window. I think I avoided hitting them with the frame, so everything left (right in the picture) of the frame on my truck kind of crumpled. Hood and door don’t open now.

I’m convinced God is out to get me. I better win a lottery or something next.

So it’s kind of late. Yeahhhhhh. About that….

“I feel that I should be completely honest with you.”

I wonder what makes people feel that. /me stares at the earlier post about being a nice guy. Oh well. I throw around trying to avoid disappointment enough that I have certain expectations. If anyone gives me any crap about expectations breeding results, I’m going to kill their best friend once a year for ten years. You fools know nothing. Yeah, so sarcasm is high at this hour, notice that? It is, really, dripping with irony though. I keep having this conversation where people try to convince me otherwise. Gotta wait another 10 years again I think.

I’ve been up trying to clean up mp3s ripped in the 1970s to put on the ipod. I’ve had ‘bigpod’ since Shmoocon and haven’t taken the time to do this yet. I think I’m worn out though and only gotten 3.6GB of music on it. Progress! Progress! Shh!

Abner emailed me this site where supposedly if you answer verbal SAT questions correctly they give ten grains of rice to SOMEONE for each answer. I get a lot of them right by guessing, so I’m convinced it’s an even trade since I’m obviously sucking someone’s force in order to psychically grab the answers.

Annnd. Tomorrow is Friday. Another week complete…. I feel like I should ding for that. Bonus points if you know what ding means. During an interview someone gave me “bonus points” for knowing that regular 120V outlets are 20A/15A. I wish I could get bonus points for all of my obscure knowledge. That’s not even that obscure. Anyone wanna know how to neutralize sulfuric acid battery spills?