I just got this email. Please don’t anyone call the police, they’ll know. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet.

I am very sorry for you Bryan, is a pity that this is how your life is going to end as soon as you don’t comply. As you can see there is no need of introducing myself to you because I don’t have any business with you, my duty as I am mailing you now is just to KILL you and I have to do it as I have already been paid for that.

WARNING: DO NOT THINK OF CONTACTING THE POLICE OR EVEN TELLING ANYONE BECAUSE I WILL KNOW.

GOOD LUCK AS I AWAIT YOUR CALL AT 585-991-3301 OR 585-237-3346.

I’ve been at work for a half hour and I’m still calming down; I don’t know how adrenaline junkies can handle it. I’ve mentioned that I ride Airport Way from Georgetown to downtown, and that I tried 4th Avenue but found the drivers there more aggressive. Usually I ride in between 8am and 9am, but I was up early for an appointment that got canceled and rode in between 7am and 8am and it was much worse.

For those who aren’t familiar, Airport way is four or five lanes most of the way, two each way with a center turning laning for stretches. The sidewalks are pretty non-existent as it’s an industrial area, and alternate between being mostly a parking lot, to a broken up sidewalk assaulted by foliage. Which makes them unusable (especially on a road bike) more than anything because of the limited sight distance that would require a walking pace or slower. I don’t think there’s a lot of bicycle commuting along this way, I usually see a half dozen bikes each way though. I say that because of the drivers though.

SODO is the only place in the city that I’ve been honked at for riding in the road (excluding critical mass). I’m always initially reacting as if there’s some sort of danger. Probably mostly from believing that horns mean danger but also because people probably don’t realize how loud and starting a horn is when it’s ten feet away from you and you’re not expecting it. Which generally causes an adrenaline influx that combined with the exercise lasts much longer than I’d like it to, probably taking a day off of my life each time or something.

Usually I’m honked at / yelled at once a day, this morning was four times in a single trip. Oh the horror of having to change lanes! Of course people are upset that I’m not on the sidewalk or the shoulder. They probably don’t know that I don’t have to be, the only requirement being that you ride as far to the right hand side of the right lane as is safe, that you MAY use the sidewalk, shoulder or bicycle lane if present. Even if confronted with these facts I’m sure they’re just upset and it wouldn’t matter.

During CM last week I was riding uphill on a side street on the sidewalk. I was going pretty slow, being headed uphill on a single speed and a shirtless dude stepped in front of me and stuck his arms and legs out to intentionally block me. I stopped and tried to analyze his aggression and how likely it was that he was going to hit me, he only said it’s state law that bicyclists are required to walk their bicycles on the sidewalk. While I believe that he truly believed this, it is nonetheless false and absurd. I told him that wasn’t true, and start to manuever around him. He almost moved to keep blocking me, but I think my lack of return aggression confused him or bored him and he gave up and went inside. He was probably drunk anyways.

So much anger though. I read Bike Commuting in 10 Easy Steps the other day and enjoyed it, but this part sticks in my mind:

5. Your life is actually quite good.
The thing that bothers me the most about bike commuting is the angry people in cars that you encounter about once every three months. They love to yell at you as they speed by, only to come to a complete stop about five seconds later at the light. I finally realized that someone that feels the need to roll down their window and yell at me (while I am riding lawfully) is having a really bad life. I’m glad I’m not that upset and angry.

By the time the third pickup truck full of assholes honked at me I started giving them the finger. I don’t think I was angry, but definitely annoyed and somewhat strung-out from all of the honking. I wish it happened only once every three months and not three times every trip.

Alright, so all I do anymore is ride bikes. I just wait for Tori to need to go get cigarettes at the store so I have somewhere to ride, it’s that bad.

I drove into the office today to get my blue bike and brought Wendell’s older mountain bike down here for storage/a spare. Our garage had nine bikes in it this morning somehow.

Wendell, Hannah and I rode over to Seward Park to go swimming and it turned out to be bike day there. I think it was sponsored  by Cascade Bicycle Club / Group Health. I lost my chain while pedaling through the parking lot and took an awesome spill. Nothing broken but a few dents and cuts really. The folks there gave me a cute little bandage kit and I borrowed a bike tool to tighten some things up. I lost the chain twice more on the way home across capitol hill.

I did some reading when I got home. The rear has a quick release so it’s hard to get the chain taught right. The red bike is a single speed with 40/18. The chainline isn’t straight though so I’m wondering if I should buy a new wheel with a flipflop in July and try out one side with a fixed gear since I’ve been having so much fun with the single speed.

I think I’m going to try to get some sleep now. I’ve been putting that off because it’s still really hot inside. If this doesn’t work out I’m sleeping in the basement or the garage.

So I bought a new bike today off craigslist. It’s a Red ’85 Schwinn Sprint (Taiwan (Giant?)), about 63cm from the seat post to center of the bottom bracket. The old bike, a Blue ’84 Schwinn World (More Taiwan) is about 53cm measured in the same manner, so it’s a much bigger frame. The new bike is also a single speed (freewheel, not fixed). I’m much happier with the size, plus it has aluminum wheels. Getting a new bike was one part the old frame being small, and a second part having pretty well destroyed the ancient rear steel rim on the World.

It’s got a few modifications by the guy I bought it from. He said he built the wheels, cut the handlebar and the likes, causing new brake levers to go along with it. I didn’t ask everything he had done. I put new pedals on it today because the ones he gave me were a little shifty and difficult to flip up-right. And the pads were making a terrible racket so I put some different brake pads on. I’ll probably ride it at CM today with tda. We’ll see how I feel about the single speed bit. Despite fixies being super popular in Seattle, I usually don’t know where I’m going and run into some pretty awesomely steep hills. Plus I don’t think that it’ll be geared as high as I want for the majority of the ride between Georgetown and downtown.

Good thing we have a garage in Georgetown, I think we have seven bikes new between the three of us. Time for more hangers I think.

it’s nice to be home. I think I have athlete’s foot; that’s kind of weird, itchy, but somehow not gross to me, just annoying. Will have to stop by the Rite Aid next to work tomorrow.

Went out to Fancy Beer In Seattle (FBIS) #2 tonight, (after Stumbling Monk). But, maybe they’re #1, because they had pints of Rainer, whereas Stumbling Monk always gave me shit for not knowing the name of Fancy Beer (FB) that I wanted. I got to read a crazy menu that taught me 4x more about beer than I ever knew before though. and I met John and Courtney (and Eric), which was awesome.

The (10mi) ride back to gtown wasn’t bad, despite the mechanic at Elliott Bay Bicycles telling me I really should replace my rear wheel on my crap-tacular (Courtney speak) Schwinn. It’s no better really than what I could do after I left it there for an afternoon to see if they could true it and take out the dent, so I guess I don’t totally suck. I’m thinking about buying a bigger bike on craigslist if I can get the whole frame size thing figured out. Being tall sucks sometimes…

Dad called me today and started talking to me about the Burkowski book I bought for him for fathers day. I mostly expected a sort of “I don’t read anymore” response from him, but he started talking to me about how it reminded him of Jack Kerouac and I had to stop and realize that I never considered my father had read any Kerouac because I’ve always known him as grumpy ol’ pa. Mom described his past self recently as stoic; I never saw that, so it’s just odd to consider.

I ended up at squid when I got back to gtown, reading Burkowski no less, and some dude from dead baby bikes sat down next to me and he showed me a bunch of stuff on the web site he had made and tried to convince me to register for their upcoming race.

What a town you are Seattle… What a town.

There’s an article at the register today about gmail and their battle in Germany over the name. The title is “Google’s Gmail verboten in Germany”, which just reminds me of an old sign on a tree at some sporting camps I went to growing up far off in the woods that said “bathen verboten”. I have a nice picture somewhere of Ben Maddocks out on the dock there, I think at sunrise. I really need to retrieve the old backs up attic now that I have disk space on a server again. Lazy me. I did fix my SAN at home last night though.

Whoosh, kind of a day spent with my mind elsewhere I believe.

A friend once said that one of the things she liked best about me was that I always thought she was good. I wish I remembered exactly what she said but I was thinking about that on the bike to work this morning. I rarely seem to think that anyone is up to anything nefarious. Which has definitely put me in stressful and trying situations in the past, especially in relationships where I’ve been far too eager to give away more than I could handle. But it seems to be true, and it is interesting. On first thought I’d say that I don’t care that people may be up to no good. Further contemplation seems to lead away from that path though. I do care, lack of goodness and it’s ultimate consumption of oxygen earmarked for good definitely upsets me when I consider it. It’d be nice to say that I’m such a great guy that I’ve chosen to believe in people’s ultimate goodness, but I’m not sure that there’s really a choice being made there. I seem to simply live, and expect others to do the same. When they don’t, eventually I’m shaken enough to react to it in some way.

What draws people to science fiction? I’m in a particularly emotionally vulnerable period I think, I’m unsure why. I was putting words to that when Susan and I broke up [instead of talking about it]. I’m apt to not believe it’s any mid-life crisis sort of thing, I already had that, haha. Back to the question though, it’s such a matter of personality and what people want to see from life. I’m searching for a word for a type of individual that is excited about adventure, doing, living, seeing. As opposed to what? Feeling cool, acting cool, being cool, strength, sexiness, power, money… as we devolve back towards the goals of the many.

I’m exhausted today. I had no plans tonight and only checked with my roommates to see if anything was up. I don’t think I wanted to see anyone tonight. Much energy has been going into trying to organize disparate crowds together once again. Matt Bennett brought up making fun of vegans on Sunday, reminding me of a past life in Maine at the loft, all the people and social drama it entailed.

Bonds with people can be formed through shared experiences, but are bonds and connections the same thing? No. I connected with so few people on the east coast and I’m not sad per se, but disappointed by that being such a small number compared to all of those I spent time with. As I wander about life learning more about myself, it’s difficult to expect anyone else to put the time into getting to know me that I’ve put in myself; although an external viewpoint likely helps those things. There’s certainly not a lack of openness on my part that’s a limitation, although I feel at times it works against itself as it can be intimidating or overwhelming for some. I’ve definitely been feeling the last few days that I need to spend some time not making plans with other people, and let people make plans with me, again.

There’s many reasons to do this periodically, and my mom being in the hospital from stress this week is a reminder just how vulnerable my family and I am to that trap. I don’t want to think of it as a test against other people to see if they really want to spend time with me. That seems somewhat, devious, but back, sitting alone at home in the loft after having my wisdom teeth pulled I have strong memories of just wanting someone to care.

I suppose it’s partly my independance that’s never particularly desired anyone to take care of me, but there’s definitely large portions of my being that want someone around in my life to care. My memories turn to frustration as I remember an ex-girlfriend telling me I should feel lucky because of the friends and family I have that do care. Do I feel insulted? I don’t know, I don’t believe so. Annoyed I suppose. My emotions are, well, what they are. There are times when I try to stifle them because society and my interactions with it don’t fair well with them, but I’ve never been any good at talking myself out of how I feel. Mostly I’ve just learned the ways to distract myself from how I feel, and at times remove myself from my feelings in just the right ways that I can move on from them. But it’s a maze in a house of cards, delicacy must be maintained.

“liste, friend,” he said, “this whole game is just one big deck of cards. if you want to get into the game you have to take whatever comes up in the shuffle.”

Awesomely out of context quote, sans the surprise orgy and gay sex, from a Bukowski collection I’ve been reading. So the weekend. Friday was bar hopping, which rocked since Tanya came down for, basically, the first time. I drank too much and thus ended up at Uncle Mo’s with Wendell. Which lead to climbing Mount Si with a hangover on Saturday. I saw Ian on the mountain. As used to knowing and seeing people everywhere as I am, it won’t ever sit well with me how small this town… county… state(?) is. We made it out alive and it was a pretty nice view although the crappy weather to the south that had pushed Ian and his friends out of Rainer made for a bad photo opportunity in that direction. But it was only a few hours before we were back home and I was sleeping off and on for the rest of the night.

Plans today kept threatening to fall through. I couldn’t get a hold of anyone in the morning. Finally Wendell called and he and Hannah came down for breakfast with Tori and I. The four of us biked (mostly) down to White Center and had some nice vegan ice cream at Full Tilt. We met Jeff, one of the owners, who was a nice enough chap. Since we still hadn’t heard from anyone we headed down the west side and road back along Alki. Matt made contact, and little from Cecila so we headed back to Georgetown and had a bit of a barbecue. It ended up only being six of us but it was nice weather and we had a nice time. The night was ended with a ride down to Gateway North Park where Louie had adorned some sort of goose feather in his cap and was preaching to the geese from a rock near the old pump house for the steam plant.

I ran across an interesting essay about privacy and John blogged about it recently so I sat down today and read it, despite so much else being on my plate right now. All I’ve got to say about right now is that we’re doomed. DOOMED.

I’d really love to see this sticker on a patch I could put on my messenger bag. Really big, on the left hand side of it would be awesome.

I’ve find an hour to write some pseudo-fiction. I’ll be putting it here in the future. Hopefully I’ll find the time to keep doing this. Perhaps I should make a habit of drinking beers at the Squid after work? Anyways, it’s a different direction and should prove interesting. Comments are, as always, considered and appreciated.