I went to bed shortly after 8pm and up at 4am. Haha. Anthony just came and said good night to me. Too early, I really should go back to bed but I’m wanting to take advantage of the not sleepy and not at work time even though I am not awake enough to have any particular focus right now.

I exchanged a few text messages with mom last night while having dinner with Andy and Tori at the twilight. I forget exactly what she said but it was fueled by these discussions I’ve been having about love a lot lately. I don’t tend to get to worked up about figuring life out, at least not in any sort of a zealous way. I have to admit it seems like I worry about it more than most, but that’s like because I’m just more open about the things that I think about and worry about than most. While they still get to me and upset me, the downs in life I usually don’t complain about so much, taking an attitude that they’re “par for the course”.

The stereotypes about what love is have probably been overstated. A feeling like lust, or an action when you care. Something short, or something long, depending on maturity and sexual tension. I don’t think I can wave my arm and clear away the stereotypes leaving a clean explanation but I often feel like it’s clear to my heart.  That is, often times I feel like my feelings are clear to me, it just feels like they’re a puzzle piece and the trick is trying to figure out how they’re going to connect to reality.

Mom seemed to acknolwedge where I’m at and that it’ll take some time and effort to leave this emotional place behind when the time comes. As much as I joke about getting cranky and pessimistic I’m all mushy and romantic inside so it’s very hard to do as much, hard to give up on matters of the heart. Maybe it’s all in the timing too.

I dated for a while last fall. It was a good times, and certainly a worthwhile growth experience for me but in ways I feel lonelier because of it. I think I need to find better ways to date for friends, or as such to go back to mingling social groups because most the people I meet dating come with different social agenda’s and life values than me.

Too melon collie at the moment I think. Back to bed or off to work, time to roll the die.