I feel like the second paragraph of my last post needs a complete rewrite.

Historically, I haven’t been in a hurry to define ‘what’ a relationship is. There have been times when something has felt wrong, where more is at play than has been communicated. I don’t think B know how to communicate what she felt. Her actions seemed to usually preface her thoughts and when called on this she would back away. In retrospect, M is probably similar, but for some different reasons.

There’s something to recognize in that feeling the something is unsaid. Perhaps because it took me by surprise with M? Because that was so ‘I do not know what this is, but I am out’? I may have learned to be more aware of the unspoken.

A part of me still believes there is no comparison. I’m simultaneously refining what I want into something that appears to have no long term resolution, while coming to terms with that and further accepting how much I’m on my own and can’t count on finding an adequate companion to my life.