The last couple of days have been awfully hard emotionally. I haven’t been satisfactorily productive as a result, which doesn’t help climbing out of it. Having a laptop failure at the start of the week didn’t help. I’ve been dealing with someones anger issues, which has meant a lot of time thinking and talking about what to do about it. I’ve also been thinking about ‘the rest of my life’ which is an impossible timeframe. Usually ‘next year’ is about as far as I can look forward, so this is both hard because it always is, but also relative to my way of living.

And I don’t know, sometimes when you look over a cliff you can’t help but see the bottom.

On the upside, I found and bought another Whiskey & Co. album.

From wikipedia, “we are happiest when basking in the acceptance and praise of others.” I’ve been feeling bombarded and overwhelmed with implication that there is something wrong with how my relationships are shaped; that I’m not motived by getting to know someone specifically and that I simply like being around the people that I enjoy, and I’m okay with that. I don’t have any desire to figure anyone out and lean so heavily on what I would describe as my acceptance that the world, and people, are complex and often attempts are desired or made to make sense of them while I prefer to let them be as they are; liking them or not.

How much of a relationship can be built and had on merely liking or loving who someone is and their presence? How greatly is this tied to my interversion and/or independence? Is this calm peace or complacency? Does it matter?

It’s hard asking yourself questions that could bring a lot down.

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