Some days I really feel like the rest of the world knows something I don’t. Damn robots.

Feelings with B were a two sided coin. Either wanting to embrace them (but too fearful to) or keeping her distance in a way that exemplified that they weren’t worthwhile. Even now, when I expressed concern for her feelings she told me I wasn’t responsible for her feelings, and yet unconsciously expressed how much I actually did. It wasn’t fair at all, and some friends immediately told me not to feel guilty or responsible when I retold the story. I don’t though. I can’t recall feeling like I’ve unfairly hurt anyone in quite some time. I always try very hard in relationships.

As I gave a nod to in my last post, I feel like JR is the most emotionally intact person I’ve dated in a while. Available may also be synonymous, I’m not sure. I just feel like chasms in the road were hit where no amount of communication and patience on my part were going to bridge the gap.

I was talking to J, trying to describe how I got along with M and the best I could describe was that I felt we were ‘pals’ and that I wouldn’t be sacrificing parts of myself to be together. I don’t know if I’ve felt that way before, nor exactly what it’s makings were.

July is going to be interesting.