random title based on randomly chosen tunes. I’m making myself stay up to write a little, some excuse like listening to the dryer, which can totally wait, but whatever.

I like that I’m old enough now that when I talk about ex-girlfriends, people can’t tell who I’m talking about unless they have specific experience. Many today don’t know the early girlfriends, and those from the past don’t know the more recent ones. Somehow I feel like that’s indicative of some kind of change, even though it probably really isn’t.

stop treating me like a girl and treat me like a person.

I’ve had a few drinks tonight, as a caveat, but that was a while ago and among other things I’ve had breakfast in between. I sat earlier staring at the light the city produced combine with the sky and the trees from the arboretum and thought about all of this, combined with text messaging my mother a bit about it for advice. She is of course biased as she likes me and thinks of me as some kind of catch, but she’s always there for me and has much of what I consider valuable life experience (wisdom).

I have had conversations as of late about being the “black sheep” of the family, and most have centered around going out and doing ones own thing, but none have focused quite so much on how emotional I am and having a really tough time finding people that a) I like, b) get my state and appreciate it  it’s raw honesty. Often, oddly enough, that makes me feel more lonely than anything else. I suppose it’s a risk of _feeling_, that such feelings may be spent for naught but I have a difficult time convincing myself that I should have it any other way.

Perhaps it’s because I simply don’t know how, as my emotions are a strong force of their own and shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s been expressed to me more than once, however mostly indirectly, that people have felt my emotions have been the catalyst for a feeling of things moving too fast. When confronted in the past I’ve expressed such things as “Well, we’re not getting married or anything, right?” but it is common enough at this point to characterize myself as an ugly duckling.

Alright, closing that book. Maybe I’ll get out of town and go snowboarding tomorrow or something, and see if I can get my mind off girls.