I’ve always thought of myself as low maintenance. In relationships I’ve kind of figured I trot along on my own accord and it’s sort of taken me a while to get the other side of that coin. As time goes along I’ve gotten a better idea of what I’m looking for in a relationship but I’ve always known that someone wanting to be around me is pretty high on that list. It doesn’t sound like it should need to be, although I realize upon thought that many people don’t share that desire; in a Denis Leary just eat, fuck, and stay the hell away from each other sort of way. But it has apparently been hard, for different reasons. I’ve dated girls that wanted to be left alone when upset and didn’t want someone near, for whatever deeper psychological reason (I tend to leave labeling those sort of problems to the college graduates with degrees and less indifference to the art). Which I realize is a bit of a personality thing.

I’ve quipped about it in the past, because I’m sarcastic I suppose, but mostly I want someone around to share life with. I don’t have an expectations of spending every moment around someone, although I’ve almost been accused of that before but it was more along the lines of being too intense. Because I am.

I am an emotionally intense person, although they’re sort of the runts of the litter sometimes. When things are gloomy though, little cheers me up as much as being close to someone I like. I just saw a quote in a book Tori bought me that said:

“The cure for unhappiness is happiness. I don’t care what anybody says.” – Elizabeth McCracken

Cats seem to get it, which was kind of odd and made me giggle. They’d come in and lie down with me and it’s nice to think it’s because I’m upset and they know that I’d like someone near even thought it seems real folk don’t. I can’t complain a whole lot that anyone should be around that isn’t, I don’t believe that, I suppose it’s just that it feels there’s too much loneliness going around right now. And it seems like a shame that is something that never got figured out and communicated in the past. It’s far too easy to think about communication when there’s no need to though, and that much harder to do it when feelings are at stake.

On a side note, my mom’s mother told me tonight I should go drink a nice cold Irish Ale. I’m not sure if it was an attempt to connect with me or not, I’m not real sure how to take that. It was a weird conversation.

I feel like a broken record saying I’ve sort of figured out more and more bits about what I like in life, and speak up about them a bit more, which is something I’ve definitely slacked on in the past. I suppose more and more I pick up on the uniqueness of people and live with it better, which is good because I think the two are inexplicably linked. Ah, my heads pretty much a wash today. Thus leaving work early. I think it’s time to see if I can find some food.